I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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