wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
