They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize