At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
