Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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