and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
