I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
