Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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