You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
