she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
