Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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