Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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