Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
