Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize