I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
