the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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