It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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