Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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