dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
