Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
