If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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