Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize