After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize