bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
