woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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