Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
