I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
