Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
