No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
