Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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