You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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