Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
