he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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