I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
