cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The air was thick with penises
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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