Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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