did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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