and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
