i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
