my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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