i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
