i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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