I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
