Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
