I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
