At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
