he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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