I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
