I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
