i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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