I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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