so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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