I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize