I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
