she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
