i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
