Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We smell like vodka and hangover
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
