Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
