i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
