Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize