Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
