You made me cry and you don't even care
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
