plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize