Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
