im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
