Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
