HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
