Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
