yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
