make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
