No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
