He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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