the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
