The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
