You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
