Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
