k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
