are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
BRING THE BAGELS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
