Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize