I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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