He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
