Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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