I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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