OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
