how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She told me I should be a condom model.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
