Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
