Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
