You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
