Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
