Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
