Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
