I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
