did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
