who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
