If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
