We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
